So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize