Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize