what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize