You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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