Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize