So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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