My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
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I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
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I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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