Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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