i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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