I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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