I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Hippo gnu deer
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
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that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My feet surprised me
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