i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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