Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
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Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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