I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize