How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize