a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Pants are for mortals
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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