For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can't turn off my feet"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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