Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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