Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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