Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
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there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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