And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize