So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
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well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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