drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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