Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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