I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
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At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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