I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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