Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.

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(609): The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner. http://tfl.nu/zame

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(651): View more from Minnesota

The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.

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(651): The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off. http://tfl.nu/d6pj

Replies (188) Good night (642) Bad night (4636) Order T-Shirt
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(845): View more from New York

It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.

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(845): It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot. http://tfl.nu/ztf1

Replies (69) Good night (4128) Bad night (685)
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(503): View more from Oregon

My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.

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(503): My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours. http://tfl.nu/f53e

Replies (40) Good night (14638) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
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(773): View more from Illinois

I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it

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(773): I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it http://tfl.nu/9cts

Replies (37) Good night (11246) Bad night (672)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.

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(604): You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/i4e8

Replies (15) Good night (4788) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
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(352): View more from Florida

she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.

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(352): she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property. http://tfl.nu/vsw9

Replies (25) Good night (2075) Bad night (5549) Order T-Shirt
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(310): View more from California

Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

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(310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh

Replies (54) Good night (9920) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
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(310): View more from California

When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.

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(310): When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing. http://tfl.nu/i23j

Replies (16) Good night (2902) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
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(404): View more from Georgia

It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?

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(404): It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar? http://tfl.nu/lonp

Replies (6) Good night (1309) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP

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(780): Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP http://tfl.nu/n1dg

Replies (0) Good night (660) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
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(330): View more from Ohio

Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.

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(330): Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success. http://tfl.nu/8tcw

Replies (2) Good night (792) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
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(949): View more from California

You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.

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(949): You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on. http://tfl.nu/pfvu

Replies (2) Good night (275) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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(312): View more from Illinois

he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?

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(312): he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent? http://tfl.nu/n82j

Replies (7) Good night (286) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??

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(610): So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night?? http://tfl.nu/qtcd

Replies (2) Good night (704) Bad night (166)

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