My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize