Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize