i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize