he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize