Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize