Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize