After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like iHOP with fire
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize