is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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