I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Someone shit on the floor
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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