you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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