Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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