Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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