i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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