Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
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Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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