Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
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You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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