I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i already hear my dad disowning me
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize