I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I party with great urgency now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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