Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
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What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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