And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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