I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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