thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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