I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
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I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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