Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
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This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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